


Death of a God

by Shipaholic



Category: Death Note
Genre: As dark as canon at least, Canon Divergence, Darkfic, Gen, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort (familial not romantic), M/M, Panic Attack, Rape Aftermath, Semi-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, kidnap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-20
Updated: 2015-11-20
Packaged: 2018-05-02 13:46:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5250374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shipaholic/pseuds/Shipaholic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On New Year's Day 2004, Light Yagami sends Naomi Misora to her death, and accepts a lift home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death of a God

 

Naomi Misora disappeared into the falling snow.

The minute hand on Light’s wristwatch made it to twenty-seven past the hour before he turned away. If he got to the station in the next five minutes, his mother shouldn’t wonder why he had taken so long.

He had a few things to tie up over the next few days. He meant to devote a night or two to staggering names and times of death in the Death Note, in case something in the near future prevented him from writing and L got suspicious. Besides that, his calendar hadn’t been this clear in a long time.

L. Light had just sent one of the detective’s former allies to her death. What a beautiful moment, when she told him they had worked together. The kind of moment that seemed dipped in gold. Light tipped his head up and smiled at the sky, letting snowflakes catch on his face. They landed with little cold kisses and left no trace as they melted away. He was untouchable. This was how a god should be treated by the universe. This fall of snow existed for him. He let his head fall back down and blinked away the flakes clinging to his eyelashes. It was almost a shame no-one was watching him.

The snow had already blanketed the pavements. Light liked the crispness of his footsteps, the neat dark tiretreads made by cars in the intersection up ahead. It was a good end to the year.

As if to ruin his view, a car jumped a red light and stalled, forcing another car to brake suddenly and set off a round of honking. Red faces leaned out of windows to say their piece before driving off. Few things made men look as ugly as driving in Tokyo. Light heard Ryuk snickering behind him. Road rage was a choice bit of entertainment for him, no doubt. He’d heard enough of Ryuk’s guttural laugh for today. It was one thing to refuse to help him kill Misora, another thing to stand there cackling and distracting him.

“Did you see that?”

Light had reached the intersection. The man who’d braked when the other driver jumped the light was pulled up at the side of the road, attracting a number of dirty looks from the cars trying to manoeuvre around him. His window was pulled down, revealing a ruddy, sweating face and brown eyes behind too-small glasses.

Light smiled politely. He had an approachable face. Having to occasionally exchange small talk with strangers was the price he paid.

“I hate driving,” the man said with feeling. “I’d take the train but the station’s closed. Because of the snow - can you believe it? On New Year's? Pathetic, isn’t it?”

Light frowned. That was a pain in the ass. “Oh no, really? I didn’t realise the station was out.” Getting the bus home would take an age.

The man’s face creased in sympathy. It wasn’t an altogether unpleasant face. “Hey, that sucks. Hop in, I’d be happy to give you a lift. Assuming no more idiots try to ram me off the road.”

Light paused for a fraction of a second. “Actually, yeah, thanks, that would be a big help. It’s not too far.”

The man gave a thumbs up, and reached over to open the passenger door.

Light had eliminated a woman who had threatened to unravel everything, and now a chance encounter was getting him away from the crime scene. Luck was on his side today.

 

* * *

 

 

“I’m Hoshi, by the way,” the man said as they peeled back into traffic.

“Akihiko,” Light said. No shame in learning from Misora.

Ryuk started to snigger again. The Shinigami was folded up in the miniscule back seat like a concertina. Light took the opportunity while Hoshi was watching the road to meet Ryuk’s eyes in the rear view mirror and scowl at him.

The traffic was horrendous, but it was still probably faster than the bus. Hoshi’s inane chatter wasn’t too bad, considering. Light had given him directions when he first got in, and as they crawled to the first junction, Hoshi… went the wrong way.

“Sorry, it was on the right,” Light interjected. Shit. Maybe he was wrong about the bus.

“Oh fuck, sorry. Hang on, I’ll get to the end here and turn back.”

Hoshi didn’t turn back when they reached the next junction. He drove straight on, even though there had been an opportunity to make a right and cut back to Light’s original route. Seriously, this was getting ridiculous.

“I know a shortcut!” Hoshi grinned over at Light, and swung the steering wheel left for the second time.

Oh… Oh fuck.

Light’s pulse jackhammered in his throat. He’d been so stupid. This guy… he had seemed so guileless. So ordinary. Light… Light had willingly got in a car with a total stranger. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He was supposed to be better than this. Everything had seemed so perfect in that moment watching Naomi Misora fade away. Like the day and the street and the snow existed only for him. He had actually thought gods were on his side - fuck!

They were already veering into a part of the city he wasn’t familiar with. The traffic was easing up, and Hoshi pressed his foot to the gas pedal. The shitty little car lurched forward. Light eyed the door handle - could he jump out?

A click rang through the car as the locks snapped up.

Hoshi smiled sweetly at him. “Safety first.”

Light cringed back in his seat. His stomach was roiling with fear, and now disgust with himself for losing his poise so easily. Apparently all it took was one sweaty man in a crap car and Light’s superiority fled like shadows under a sudden glare.

Was this man sent by L? He surely couldn’t be suspected to that extent. Naomi’s death was supposed to prevent this. Or a random Kira nut, who saw the son of the chief investigator and took his chance? Well, either way, Light might be able to bargain with him.

And if the worst came to worst, there was plenty of space left on the square of Death Note folded in his pocket.

The car took another sharp turn. They were in a grotty area of town now. Light’s heartbeat quickened to an unbearable drumroll - was he about to be the victim of a hit? - but Hoshi kept driving. Light’s hands had gone numb, but he was able to raise his left arm to look at his watch. He’d been in this car for twenty minutes. It felt like far less time had passed. Fear was stealing time from him.

He only needed Hoshi’s last name. Or wait… Ryuk had started laughing when they’d exchanged names, at the beginning of this hellish drive. He’d assumed it was his own fake name causing the amusement, but maybe not. Maybe he’d been fooled the same way twice in one day.

Light sought out Ryuk in the rear view mirror once more. The Shinigami’s fright mask of a face had turned inscrutable, but his eyes were alight and awake. Clearly this turn of events had got Ryuk’s attention, but he wasn’t giving Light any clues for escape.

“Hoshi, my parents are already expecting me,” Light said, trying to make his voice pleasant and non-threatening. “We’re expecting family to visit today.”

“Shhhh,” Hoshi whispered back, absently.

They drove on.

 

* * *

 

Hoshi didn’t speak another word as they wound through Tokyo, no matter how many times Light tried to talk to him. The city began to give way to greenery. They must be all the way at the outskirts. Light was drowning in panic. His phone had buzzed several times with texts and missed calls. Earlier he’d tried to send a text message from inside his pocket, but Hoshi had snatched the phone from him and tossed it into the glove compartment. Every time it went off since then, it sounded like a trapped, fluttering thing.

He could get in a few good strikes if he tried - but the other man was large, and upon closer inspection, more muscled than he’d seemed at first. And he’d have to overpower him to unlock the doors… And there seemed to be no way of learning his full name…

All his careful planning, and he’d got into a car with a common kidnapper.

The road curved to the left, down a sidepath dappled with trees. In the snow, the lane was bleak and bare, but muffled enough to hide them. The car rolled to a gentle stop.

Light couldn’t breathe. The silence all around was choking him. The noise of Hoshi releasing the button for his seatbelt, then Light’s, was like a gun being cocked.

“Do you know who I am?” he managed.

Hoshi’s quiet breathing at his side was torture. Was he never going to speak again? Just pull out a knife, or a pistol, or reach out and strangle him, without ever giving an explanation?

“My dad is a lead detective for the NPA,” Light said through numb lips. “He’s probably been trying to ring me all those times my phone went off.”

Hoshi inhaled slowly, then released the breath in a long sigh. Light felt it on his face. He was going to be sick. Then Hoshi spoke, and Light nearly jumped out of his skin.

“I took a girl here once, when I was a kid. It was a beautiful night.”

Light’s breath trembled out of him. “Huh?”

“Imagine it with stars.”

Hoshi shifted closer. Light cringed backwards. It seemed to make him smile. He lifted a hand, fingers loose and relaxed, and held the back of it near to Light’s cheek. Light was sure for a mad moment he was going to caress him.

Hoshi dropped his hand. He was still smiling. “Just so you know. I’m not a homo or anything.”

Light felt as though he had slipped sideways into a land of nonsense. “Neither am I.” He slid carefully sideways until he was pressed against the car door. “As I said, my parents are expecting me. I don’t think they’d like that you took me here.”

“Right, right. They want you all to themselves.” Hoshi’s eyes roved over Light’s face. Wherever they touched him, he felt a chill break out. “I couldn’t believe it when that moron nearly ran me over and I braked just there, and when I looked up, there you were. Absolutely perfect. Like you were made just for me. A perfect fucking moment.”

Light was cold all over. Sweat prickled through his clothes. He had to get his name, had to had to, and then there’d be him in this car in the middle of nowhere with a heart-attack victim and no explanation -

Ryuk. Ryuk could write his name. Even specify a different cause of death. Take a leaf out of Light’s book, make Hoshi drive him back and commit suicide. Light abandoned secrecy and looked directly at the hulking black shape in the back of the car. “Ryuk!”

Hoshi’s eyes flicked back too, but his only reaction was a benign little chuckle. “Ryuk? Is that your girlfriend’s name? She doesn’t have to know.” This time he did reach over and cup Light’s cheek. Light slapped him away with a whine of panic that he hated himself for making.

“God help me!” he said, shrill and void of dignity. The damn Shinigami had better understand that.

“Sorry, kid.” It was the first time Ryuk had spoken up since they’d got in the car. His voice was a hoarse, detached drawl. “Against the rules.”

“Shhhh.” Hoshi’s large, sweaty hands were on him, pulling Light forward, into the fug of his breath. “I’ll let you go, I promise.” Light felt him fumbling between their bodies, and the unmistakable sound of a belt buckle. “You’re as beautiful as any young woman. I just want a little favour. I gave you a ride, remember? Don’t be a bitch.”

“Fuck off!” Light snapped into a whirl of violence, fists and knees connecting with Hoshi’s thick body with satisfying, meaty thumps. He managed to punch the wind out of him with a well-placed right hook. Hoshi doubled up, wheezing. Light clawed back into the passenger seat and went for his pocket, fingers stinging and clumsy, tearing through for the neatly folded piece of Death Note. For the first time, the possibility of the Shinigami Eyes seemed like an honest life-line - no. He hadn’t done it for Misora, he certainly wasn’t slicing his lifespan in half for this grotesque little fuck. He would torture the bastard’s real name out of him and give him the most agonising death he could devise, a death that would make even Ryuk blanch -

Fingers closed around his throat from behind. The weight of a grown man pressed down on him, shoving him face first into the car door. Light gaped uselessly, all air pounded and choked out of him.

He was surely about to die. Just as the certainty filled him, the grip and the weight relaxed, just enough to let air flood in, as solid and painful as drowning. Light collapsed, splayed between both front seats, sagging towards the floor.

The man beside him was unzipping. This could not be real. Two hours ago he’d watched Naomi Misora vanish into the snow.

A hand stroked through his hair. Soft, wet breaths came from the other seat.

He wasn’t supposed to be here.

He was being pulled upright, back into his seat.

“I’ll let you go,” the man’s low voice crooned over and over.

It was too late not to look. The man’s open fly and exposed, purpling genitals were obscene, so far removed from anything to do with him, and he couldn’t believe that his world had been shoved so abominably off-kilter.

There was one last chance. If he could get out the Death Note, and bring it into contact with this man’s skin.

Light reached into his pocket and nearly cried out with joy. There, there, the little scrap of paper.

He pulled it out, scrunched up tight, hidden in his fist. This bastard was about to see a demon in his back seat.

The man slapped his wrist. Light jerked. The paper tumbled through his fingers and rolled over the floor beneath the man’s feet.

Light held in a scream. Flashed a nervous smile. “May I pick that up? It’s just a bit of paper.”

The man peered at it, made an impatient noise, and crushed it under his shoe.

Light’s body hitched with a hysterical sob. The sound was too large, or too deranged, to be voiced. The pressure of holding it in his throat was enough to smother him.

The hand was back in Light’s hair. It pushed his head downwards. There was nothing suggested about it.

“Ryuk,” Light moaned. If he dared stick around and watch this.

A dark shape unfurled in the corner of his eye, and phased upwards through the roof of the car. Ryuk wouldn’t be far away. Not watching, not helping.

The man hummed, the sound thin and manic. Light was so close to his lap, he could gag from the tangy, urinal smell alone. His brain obligingly rattled through a list of diseases, all overridden by three letters looming largest of all. Oh fuck. “Could you please put on a condom?” he said. His voice came out keening and pathetic. It didn’t sound like him at all.

A pause. “Maybe in a bit.” The hand pressed Light’s head down, down.

 

* * *

 

Hoshi let him go. He gave Light back his phone, with a “don’t let your parents worry about you, ok?” and a smile as if they shared a secret. Light had the presence of mind to retrieve the scrap of Death Note. He almost pushed it against Hoshi’s red, sweating flesh, just to watch him shit himself, but knew it wouldn’t accomplish anything, really, at this stage. And he was so tired.

When Light got out of the car, shaking, Ryuk was perched on the roof. He hadn’t gone far, then. Light wanted to ask him if he’d stuck his head back inside to have a good look, just to satisfy his curiosity. He wanted to tear Ryuk to shreds for doing nothing, but mostly he wanted to curl up and go to sleep.

The car trundled away and was swallowed up by the dark. Light mechanically memorised the licence plate as it went. It must be late afternoon now. The trees on either side of the road covered the sky, which was nothing but grey and swirling snow. Light supposed that Hoshi could have killed him here. It wasn’t a bad spot.

Nineteen missed calls and texts. All mom and dad, except one text from Sayu. Light clicked on his call history without thinking, and realised he had no idea what to do next.

He wasn’t supposed to have met Naomi Misora. That could never be traced back to him. There would have been no reason to check the CCTV on the street; that would no longer be the case if he became a victim in a police investigation.

He would have to go to the police station. There was evidence on his clothes. Maybe hospital, for check ups. Hoshi hadn’t bothered with the condom. Medication, then. He’d spat and spat but it might not be enough. Those three looming letters, no, don’t think about that. Maybe a lecture on being more careful. Not getting into cars with strangers. Aren’t six-year-olds taught that? Aren’t you supposed to be a genius, Light? Dad would be so disappointed. Mom, heartbroken. They’d never look at him the same way. Probably imagine it happening, no matter how vaguely he described it to them. Maybe it would get out at school, well, at least he was graduating, the entrance exams were so close, but what if his parents made him defer? Maybe they’d send him to a psychiatrist. Kira in therapy. And as soon as the deaths stopped, while he got tests and kits done, L would be there to join the obvious dots -

The phone rang. Light nearly dropped it. Dad. Oh god. He wasn’t ready, he didn’t have a plan.

“Ryuk, where are we?” His voice was a croak. He could barely understand himself.

Ryuk jumped. “Uhh, you want me to go find out?”

“Please.”

Ryuk didn’t argue. He extended his scaly wings and flapped out of sight. Light held the ringing phone and willed himself not to answer it.

An age later, the phone stopped. Another age, and Ryuk reappeared.

Once Light had his location, he rung for a taxi. Then he cancelled and hung up mid-call. He had to force himself to ring the taxi company back, rather than his father. If his dad had to come and get him, he would be out of time to stall. He just needed a few hours with the Death Note, that was all. Once he knew criminals would be dying tomorrow and the day after and the day after, he could go downstairs and curl up on his parents’ laps. Or not. The choice was still his.

 

* * *

 

Light cracked in the back of the taxi and phoned his father.

“Light! We’ve been ringing you for hours. Where the hell are you?”

“Hi Dad. I’m really sorry. Something came up. I’ll tell you about it tonight. I’m really exhausted right now, I just need to take a nap first. Please don’t worry about me. I’m on my way home.”

“Your mother said you came to see me hours ago with a change of clothes. Where have you been since then? We’ve been going crazy back here. Please, you don’t sound like yourself. What happened?”

“I can’t talk now, Dad, I’m in a taxi. I’m not sure if I have enough money for the fare, so I might have to borrow some when I get home. Sorry. I promise I’m fine, and I’ll tell you what happened after I’ve had some sleep. Please tell Mom I’m ok.”

“You sound like you’ve… I don’t even know, been in a fight or something. Light, please tell me the truth as soon as you get home. I’ll pay for the taxi.”

“Thanks, Dad. I haven’t been in a fight. I’ve got to go. See you soon.”

A long silence. “See you soon.”

 

* * *

 

It was obvious the phone call hadn’t calmed his parents down.

His dad came out to pay the fare, grey-faced. His eyes raked Light as he climbed out of the car, and the flash of deja vu just from such a simple fucking act made Light sway on the spot, nausea clawing up his throat. His dad clearly thought Light was afraid of him, and his expression melted into obvious fear and love and everything made Light sick, especially when his dad gripped his shoulder and he couldn’t throw him off without having to explain why.

Mom was hovering just inside, looking as though someone had died. Light normally smelled dinner around this time, but he guessed they were too busy today working themselves up about his mysterious disappearance.

This was where he was expected to put their minds at ease. Or at least stall them for the next few hours. Light tried to pull words from the place inside him that was filled with golden confidence, and had to close his mouth when nothing came out.

“You do look tired, son,” Dad said, gently.

Light stared at him and had to fight down the ridiculous urge to cry. Mom’s eyes were wide and worried, but she always deferred to Dad, and yes, something was about to go right -

“Go and sleep for a few hours. We’ll be along later to talk to you. We’re not angry, we just want to know you’re all right.”

Yes. Thank god. Light’s head swam with relief. “Thanks, Dad. I’m sorry I frightened you. See you both in a while.”

Their eyes followed him upstairs, but Light could deal with that.

 

* * *

 

Four pages full. Nearly three weeks covered, with a respectable number of deaths. L wouldn’t suspect a thing.

Light did end up sleeping for half an hour before there came a soft knock on the door. He woke up aching in strange places as if from being crammed into an uncomfortable position, and his heart went from its usual pace to racing out of his chest. He took sips of breath until he’d got himself under control, and crossed the room to let them in.

His parents sat on the bed. Light took the desk chair. He wrapped himself in a dressing gown before he sat down. His parents had seen his pyjamas before, but it felt appropriate.

Nobody spoke. His parents exchanged looks, seemingly having a telepathic debate over who should talk first. The three of them must look ridiculous. Like his parents were a pair of five-year-olds and Light was about to tell them off. All they needed was Ryuk hovering in the background to complete the tableau. For once, however, Ryuk wasn’t here. Light guessed he’d avoid him for at least a day or two.

Mom was telepathically nominated to go first. “Light, we love you very much.” Oh, Christ. “Something has obviously happened, because it’s not like you at all to disappear and not answer your phone. We thought you’d been hurt, or even killed.” Her voice wobbled. “We’re so, so glad you’re home, but we can tell something is wrong and we just want to know what it is so we can help you. Will you please tell us, sweetheart? We’d like to fix it if we can.”

I kill people, Mom. I don’t think I’m wrong for doing it. Please fix the world to see that I’m right.

Dad’s turn. “We want you to know that you and Sayu are our priorities, always.” We, we, we. What must it be like to be so sure of sharing another’s thoughts? The closest Light had ever come was him and Ryuk. That traitor. “I know I’ve been away a lot with the Kira case, but I will always put you first if you have a problem.” Oh, Chief Yagami, if you only knew. “And if you’re in trouble, I need to know.”

In trouble. He sounded like someone had got Light pregnant. His stomach turned over. Hospital. Meds. He would have to wait until tomorrow to make the trip, alone. His clothes from today were tossed in a pile in the corner. He never left his clothes lying around. They must have noticed. He’d have to decide soon whether to destroy them or put them in the wash. He was so good now at getting rid of evidence. He’d concluded in the taxi that going to the police was out of the question. How long would the doctors want to keep him? He knew next to nothing about this kind of stuff. He had only ever focussed on the offenders. Would the hospital contact the police as a matter of course? He could always just refuse to give a statement. Keep that licence plate to himself. Maybe they wouldn’t care enough to interview him. He’d got in the car voluntarily.

No-one had spoken for a while. Apparently that was the end of the speeches. Light looked at his bedspread rather than his parents’ faces. He should be inventing some plausible lies, but his mind was empty. All of him was empty.

Minutes passed. Mom and Dad sat patiently, watching him. Light’s gaze wandered to their joined hands, and the image began to blur. If he simply put his head on the desk and slept, would they leave him alone? In the morning he’d have a story for them and none of them would ever need to speak about this day again. Then, with horror, he realised that his vision was blurring with damp, not tiredness. He ducked his head to hide behind his fringe, frantically blinking and swallowing.

“Light,” his mom whispered. Her arm reached for him. Light made a wretched sound. Please, let nobody touch him.

Mom’s hand trembled in mid-air. It obviously cost her to lower it back to her lap. Light had never understood her, or cared to try, but he loved her for that moment, just briefly.

He told them.

 

* * *

 

The story was entirely directed to the floor of his bedroom. He included as few details as possible.

Mom started to cry, but discreetly, into her curled hand, like a funeral attendee not wanting to drown out the speakers. Dad stroked her back and otherwise was still as stone.

Light expected to feel worse, or better, when it was done. But he continued to feel nothing.

Dad stirred when he said he wasn’t going to the police. No, Dad, I’ve thought about it and there’s no point. I don’t want to go through that. The exams are so close. I want to move on to the next stage of my life. No, I’m not blaming myself. I just don’t want anyone else to know. Sayu would know, if there was an investigation. I don’t want to talk about it with strangers. No, Mom, that does include a counsellor. I don’t need anything, just some more sleep. I know. I know. I love you too.

Dad’s hand was clenched on the leg of the suit he’d worn to work. Mom wiped her face with the heel of her hand. They were leaning in towards each other, shoulders braced together. Light wondered if they knew they were doing it.

Dad gave one more try. “Light, if you’re worried about how the police will treat you… I can go with you to the station and make sure the officers who talk to you are sympathetic and professional… The Tokyo Metropolitan Police have an excellent unit and -”

Light shook his head until his dad trailed off.

“Light - the exams,” Mom spoke up in a whisper. “If you need some time, you don’t have to take them right away - you can defer and go to university in the autumn - or take as long as you need - we know you’ll catch up in minutes -”

She too came to a stop when Light shook his head.

“I don’t want any part of my life to be disrupted by this,” he said. He wanted to wrap his arms around himself, but kept his hands folded in his lap. “I’m going to university in April, just as planned. You know there’s no reason for me to defer. I could take those exams right here and now and come top of the year. I appreciate your worry. I’ll talk to you some more tomorrow morning, when I’ve had the chance for some proper sleep. Is that alright?”

His parents looked at each other. Their hands squeezed tighter. Light looked at the wall behind them and counted breaths.

They stood up in tandem. “We’ll let you sleep,” Dad said softly. His voice was hoarse as if he'd been screaming.

Light reached out to touch both of their shoulders as they passed him. A soft brush of the hand was… ok for now.

He sat alone in the quiet for five minutes. Then Ryuk’s head slowly phased into view through the middle of his bed.

“Were you hiding in the mattress?” Light enquired. He found it hard to care what Ryuk was really doing.

Ryuk’s expressions, when not accompanied by squawking cackles or pleas for apples or entertainment, were hard to decipher. It didn’t help when Light could only see the upper half of his face. The protruding yellow eyes shone their lamplight onto him. Light thought of smoke swirling behind glass.

The rest of Ryuk’s head phased into view; then, all in one go, the rest of him. He stepped onto the carpet, a stick figure in running ink.

“I was hanging around the kitchen. They left the TV on.”

That was probably true, and if it was a lie, Ryuk would never tell. Why bother lying. Why bother answering. Light gazed up at the distended body, the bear-trap of a mouth. It was a cliché, but humans really must resemble insects to Shinigami. Ryuk was happy to fill his days flapping over Light’s shoulder and playing Mario Kart, and when he got weary of that, he’d turn a magnifying glass on him and watch him fry to death.

“You may have gathered there has been a disruption to my usual schedule,” Light said evenly.

Ryuk twitched. Light stood up.

“I’m going to the bathroom. When I get back, I don’t want to see you. Make yourself invisible for a couple of days.”

He didn’t look for Ryuk’s reaction before walking out into the hall.

 

* * *

 

Light managed to use the bathroom and wash his face without looking in the mirror above the sink. He didn’t want to see what his parents saw. He screwed his eyes closed to brush his teeth. The minty, chemical taste of his toothpaste triggered the slow flood of saliva in his mouth that preceded vomiting. He ignored it, trusting himself to keep down whatever was still in his stomach from hours earlier, and spat the entire mess out at the end. Then he had to sit on the side of the bath and hyperventilate through the first panic attack he’d had since his first night writing in the Death Note.

He felt better after rinsing out the sink.

Sayu’s bedroom door was ajar when he went back out into the hall.

Light stopped in the middle of the landing. Almost half a minute passed before a sliver of cheek and a bright brown eye appeared in the gap. The door swung open with an apologetic creak, and Sayu slipped out in her faded yellow dressing gown. She still had a dab of makeup on one eyelid. She had met with friends today, Light remembered - the only member of the family to socialise at the end of the year. He wondered if she’d been called home when the hours of his disappearance mounted up.

“I wasn’t listening,” she blurted out straight away.

Light said nothing. As usual, Sayu fell over herself to fill the silence.

“I really mean it. I stayed in my room the whole time. I knew Mom and Dad were with you but I didn’t -” Her face turned scarlet, matching the heart on her dressing gown pocket. She’d had that thing for years. It was a birthday present from Mom. Light couldn’t remember what he’d got her that year. “I just wanted to see if you were ok.”

The red tips of Sayu’s ears poked through the strands of her hair. She’d missed a tangle towards the back when combing it out that night. Light let his eyeline settle on the crown of her head. She had always been short for her age. He exhaled.

“I’m fine, Sayu. And I’m not mad at you.”

Sayu raised her head. Her brown eyes were huge beneath her fringe. Light’s eyes reminded him of Sayu’s in childhood photos, meeting the camera with a polite, curious gaze. He wasn’t sure at what age he stopped resembling his sister.

“I’ve never seen Mom and Dad look like that,” she whispered.

Light imagined the hours they’d all had to while away while he was up in his room. “Me neither. But you don’t have to worry about it. This problem is going to be dealt with, and everything will be back to normal before you know it.”

Sayu bit her lip. She wanted to say something, and Light needed to head her off so that he could go to his room and crash.

She took one step towards him. “Hug?”

Light contemplated her raised arms in their yellow flannel. Nothing out of the ordinary, or frightening here. Just his little sister.

“All right,” he said.

Sayu crossed the distance between them and folded her arms around him. She didn’t squeeze, just held him carefully like a much loved pet who’d made it back from the vet. Light let his hands rest on her back, his mind going blank.

They stood for a long time. Sayu solemnly stroked his back as though she’d learned to do it from an instructional video. Just as Light started to tire of the hug, she stepped back without having to be asked, pulling her dressing gown back up her shoulder.

“OK. Good night, Light. See you tomorrow.”

She padded off to bed, closing her bedroom door with great care.

When Light got into bed, his sleep was deep and dreamless.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that was cheerful. At least Light got a Sayu-hug.
> 
> I'm aware the plot of this fic hinges on Tokyo having lousy public transport, which I believe is not true in reality. Sorry Tokyo. Maybe that's the AU?
> 
> In theory, there may be more chapters... let's see if I ever finish any of them.


End file.
